SUPERBOWL...oh yeah...it's great..chillin here talkin to Mark and watchin the "big game"...So far the Rams are doin pretty good. The next best thing is the commercials...there histerical.

Games back on.....later

I went to the funeral yesterday...it was awful...I couldn't imagine being in Molly's postion right now. At least she had lots of support there for her. She's strong so she'll survive.

Let: Please contact me...I got your e-mail but I would rather not discuss it over my internet diary..LOL.

Senshi:CALL ME!!!

It's been a really long day so I am going to go lay down for awhile *yawn*

This is going to be an awful day...I am going to Molly's dads calling hours today, and a farewell dinner for Wes and Sherrie. I can't believe they are leaving. I won't see Ty or Rylie for along time, that is the hardest part about it. They are such sweet little kids...it's hard for me to understand why you would move kids at such an important time in their lives...Ty is 4 and Rylie...not even a year. I saw Ty last night at the game...but I only got to give him a kiss and then I had to leave to start working concession.

And Molly...oh god...what do you say to a person that lost someone so close to them. Her dad died in a car accident Thursday when his truck hit a tree..damn...i guess all i can do is be there for her...saying I'm sorry doesn't seem like enough. *sigh* I'm too stressed out.

On a lighter note though...James e-mailed me and told me not to leave him...it was really sweet. I love him to death.

Yeah yeah...I know I haven't written anything in here for almost a month...sorry bout that...been a little busy.

Dad just told me tonight that he is going to buy me my prom dress for my last prom. Mom isn't going to know anything about it. Isn't that awesome..lol. I am looking at a white silk dress...it can be used for special occasions too.

I talked to James again today...it just seems strange to me, his whole demeanor towards me has changed over a few days. I can't really put my finger on it, but when I talk to him, he seems really stand-offish. He doesn't say things to me like he use too. I feel like I am completly losing him. I really want to be with him, but I am not so sure anymore that he feels the same. I don't know what to do about him, he seems like he really doesn't care anymore. He has been sick lately, but still...i mean..I try to talk to him but he just seems completely uninterested. So now what do I do? Looks like another heart-break comin my way.*runs upstairs and sobs under covers*

Anyway, Amanda is getting ready to go into the gaurd...and Patty to Penn. *river of tears* MY TWO BEST FRIENDS LEAVING ME!
Once I get out, I am going to head for Texas, Louisiana and Arizona, anywhere but Ohio. I guess that when I got to Colorado...I "tasted freedom" so to speak.

Well...I'm outta here...

Later

Lets see..where to start...I had a great chsistmas and had fun at the traditonal, family get-togather.

Senshi-Hope to hear from ya again soon and thanks for your support on the whole "situation"

Let: I also thank you for your support and working on the background...

You two are great friends...hope to hear from you very soon...

I'm tired so I'll write more later

Today has probably been the worst day of my life. I open up my e-mail and find:
Hey Lindsay,
first off, as always, don't fwd. this to James.
I talked to him last night, as always, he assured me that he Loved me in the
boyfriend, girlfriend sense of the word and that he loved you only as a
friend.
he claimed he was confused and didn't know what he was talking about, as far
as you and him go.
he explained what he told you about us, and now i think of it he was right to
do so. we had aggreed not to tell anyone about us, and he was only covering
it up.
he got really depressed and said he need to go lie down for a bit and think.
hence the riddles he sent you on the yahoo messenger.

LOL...damn he really got the best of me...I am sure they both are going to be laughing at me for along time. I sat in the bathroom for 2 hours crying...pretty damn pathetic....just as a friend...LOL...I am so sick of this...I can't stand being rejected anymore...I was sitting there in the bathroom...and it just all slammed into me at once...I couldn't stop crying...I e-mailed him and while I was doing that, I was crying the whole time. I still can't believe it. Laura was right...seeing that she is SO beautiful and SO perfect...please...make me sick...it's in your heart, not in your head. She has got to be the most self centered person I have ever talked to..since she is "alot fucking prettier than I am"...I am sorry...but she is a VERY ugly person on the inside...looks don't last forever. I was looking into tickets to go down a surprise him...he blew that one. It is just really hard for me to grasp the whole concept of him lying to me and then...right to my face...tells me it's the truth...how he talks about me to his friends...YEAH RIGHT! probably telling them how shallow I am and how easy it was to snatch me...it was all for his entertainment. This whole time...it was Laura. I wrote him 2 e-mails today...telling him how I felt about the whole situation...and he said he wanted me to call him about an e-mail he recieved...WHY IN THE HELL WOULD I CALL HIM? SO HE CAN LAUGH AT ME...i don't think so. LOVE SUCKS!

Well signing out

I talked to him today. He told me how he really feels...and how he feels towards her. He's got me...heart and soul...and I can't do a damn thing about it...but you know...i love the feeling he gives me, how he talks about me, what he says to me...everything. I hope that he feels the same way too.

I talked to him a couple of hours ago...we talked about what had happened and what she had said to him. I waited for so long to get a chance to hear his voice...but once I called him, I didn't know what to say. I just started thinking of what she had told me. He still wants me to go to Texas...I don't know...what if I am just being played, what if everything he says to me...he says to her again. I want to believe him with all my heart...but I don't want to set myself up for another heartbreak. When we were about to get off the phone he said he loved me...I hope he was sincere.